2/28/12
When we adopted Clayton I would write to him almost daily. I wanted him to know that even though he was not in my arms or belly, that he was in my heart and mind. I thought about him nonstop. What would he look like, smell like, act like...so many things. I want you to know the same things. That even before you were born or even conceived that I thought about you. That even before you were placed in my arms, I loved you.
3/2/12
Just thinking about having an extra person in our home. Can't wait for that day to happen. I know it is will be months from now, but I can't help but wonder if you are growing out there somewhere. Its going to be at least April before we are able to start the homestudy process, but I know that we will get there and no matter whether you have been conceived or not, you are part of God's plan.
7/13/13
Its been too long since I have written to you. I have posted on the other page, but not to you. It's been over a year and I still think about you every day. I don't know you, I can't see you but I know somewhere God has you, preparing you for us. He will send you to us in His time. I long to hold you in my arms, and kiss your sweet little face. I long to be your mommy. Clayton can't wait to be your big brother and your daddy is waiting and praying too.
Some may say I'm silly, writing to a person that I don't even know yet. It doesn't matter. I know you because God has you. Whether you are in your birth mom's belly or still in Heaven with God, he has you. He will keep you and protect you until we are able to meet you. I have had a rough week worrying about when. Worrying about how long it will be. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that God does a perfect work and that it is in His timing. He will not leave us and he CAN do anything. God WILL do a perfect work.
I will write to you more often as I think it helps me with the wait. It helps me to put my thoughts about you on paper or on this blog. People have a hard time understanding why we would wait for something so long. We can't explain it. We can't make you come any faster. We have to have faith that God will lead. We Know he will lead us to you.
I pray that your birth mom is doing well and that she will like us. She is a very important person and always will be. She is who is choosing to give you life and to give you to us. We love her and don't know her. Each woman that chooses adoption for their child, is special. They are giving you a gift that many parents don't and that is love of the purest form. She is putting you above all else and I love her for that.
Well sunshine, I don't know where you are right now at this moment, but I want you to know you are in my heart. You are in my prayers. You are loved!
7/14/13
I dreamt of you last night. We were preparing to come get you. I was running around like crazy to get everything ready and to get packed. I woke up excited and faithful that it's going to happen. We are heading to church this morning. Clayton is coming home today from my mom's. I can't wait to see him. I miss the kid so much. But today I'm excited that we will meet you. I don't know if it will be soon or tomorrow but I know I will meet you. Love, mommy
07/15/13
I don't know how long I will keep up this daily journaling to you, but as long as I can I am going to. Clayton asked about you yesterday. He asked when we were going to meet you. He is so excited. He was joking about getting daddy a boat and daddy asked him if he wanted a boat or a baby brother or sister. He answered with a baby. He said yesterday he wants a baby sister. But who knows how long that will be his answer. He changes almost every day. I am just hopeful that he can be patient as we wait. He gets down when thinking about you, but prayers to God every night that he will bring you to us. He is really sweet and you are going to love him, just like he is going to love you.
7/19/2013
miss you today. How can you miss something you haven't had yet. So maybe it's longing for you today. I didn't sleep well last night and dad said I was talking in my sleep, but i don't remember that at all. WEIRD. I have to get started on more grants etc to get the money raised for your adoption. I know it's going to happen. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you. Love forever.
7/31/13
I'm sitting here thinking about you. Wondering when you are coming, where your coming from, wondering... I wonder why a lot. It's not something I like to do. I want to put it all in God's hands and have faith in His plan but I often forget. He hasn't left me in this process. He hasn't turned away. I have. I have lost faith, I have turned away. Today I caught myself wondering. Then it dawned on me, I can wonder and lose faith OR I can pray. I can turn to the dearest friend I have and ask for help. I think sometimes it's impossible, but Nothing is impossible with God. You my sweet sunshine are not impossible, you are possible, and you are coming to our family. Not in my time but in our great creators. He has a plan for you, your birth mom, me, your dad and Clayton. We just have to listen, have faith and be patient. The thought of you makes me smile as I know that someday soon I will learn of you and for that I am blessed. Love you sunshine!!
8/02/13
My Dearest Sunshine. I think of you often. More than I probably should. I think of your birth mom and I pray for her often. I do all of this, and I don't know either of you. I long for the day that I learn of you both and the day when my prayers can turn more specifically to a known person. I can't wait to learn about you.
8/4/13
We had the greatest services this weekend at church. Bro. Freddie preached in both services and he pushed exactly what I needed. In one part he preached about how we complain about everything and do it a lot. This post stuck with me. I have complained a lot lately. I have wanted to learn about you so much that I have lost focus of what God wants from our lives. He wants us to shine our light so that others may have the opportunity to receive salvation. How can we do that if ask we do is complain.
I still want you and want to learn of you more than I can put into words, but if I want God to help us to you then I have to become less focused on my worry about your adoption and more concerned with the lost. I love you and I don't even know you YET! You are coming to our family and I can't wait for the day that I learn about you. Clayton is still praying for God to send you to us and so are we.
We love you sunshine.
08/08/13
Yesterday Daddy and I celebrated 14 years of marriage. Your brother went to his first day of 2nd grade. I prayed for you. I prayed for your mother. We want you but know God has a plan for you and he will bring you to us as he see's fit. I wonder if you will be a girl or a boy. Your room will be neutral so that it will work either way. We have this really cute bedding. It has monkeys on it. Its really cute. We haven't put your room together yet because its really hard on the wait, but we will soon. Love ya Sunshine!
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